Cherry Blossom Haikus 2014

This past weekend brought to a close the three-week National Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. When the trees reached peak bloom last Thursday, we asked readers to send their best haikus about the cherry blossoms in DC. Here are our favorites.

(Illustration By: Matt Wainwright)

(Illustration By: Matt Wainwright)

 

the beaver vandals
hide in the day, but at night
they eat your blossoms

— Heydaisy from DC

Days, at last, longer.
Pink snow falls and starts dancing
along DC streets.

— Laura from Kiev, Ukraine

 

(Photo By: Heydaisy)

(Photo By: Heydaisy)

 

As blossoms emerge,
Tourists swarm the city streets.
Blooming idiots.

— Jim from Lanham, Md.

The gifts from Japan,
Cherry trees pique appetites.
Sushi, wasabi.

— Jim from Lanham, Md.

A brief Spring rises
March into April’s Pink bliss
Time to fornicate

— Badge from Taipei, Taiwan

J. Edgar Hoover Ends FBI Legacy Behind Bars

J. Edgar Hoover's gravesite at Congressional Cemetery (Photo By: heydayjoe)

J. Edgar Hoover’s gravesite at Congressional Cemetery (Photo By: heydayjoe)

J. Edgar Hoover, longtime Director of the FBI – the man who spent his life putting others behind bars – spends his eternity behind bars at Congressional Cemetery on the west bank of the Anacostia River in Southeast Washington.

The only civil servant to be honored with a state funeral, Hoover served as the head of the FBI for 48 years, from 1924 until his death in 1972. Though his legacy is tainted because of the illegal methods of infiltration, planted evidence and burglaries he condoned, his name is carved in stone at the FBI headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue.

A master of blackmail (not to mention bigotry), Hoover loved illegally wire-tapping people to get dirt on them, especially those he detested. He spent countless agent hours and taxpayer dollars snooping on Martin Luther King, determined to prove him dangerous by proving him immoral. And he hated author John Steinbeck so much (convinced that he was a red Communist) that he had the IRS audit him every year.

To J. Edgar, the highest realms of patriotism and virtue were reflected in his personal prejudices and wholesome lifestyle.

J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson enjoy a ride in Atlantic City, NJ.

J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson enjoy a ride in Atlantic City, NJ.

A lifelong bachelor and creature of habit, J. Edgar ate lunch at the same hotel restaurant every workday for 20 years with the same companion, his lifelong friend and FBI protégé Clyde Tolson. (The Mayflower Hotel’s restaurant is now named Edgar Bar & Kitchen in his honor.) He never strayed from his daily order – chicken soup, white toast, half a grapefruit, cottage cheese and Bibb lettuce – and he never tipped back a martini. A teetotaler, Hoover forbade the use of intoxicating beverages by any FBI agent, on or off the job.

In his quest to get “subversive” Americans, J. Edgar didn’t have time for frivolity. Even a party song like the Kingsmen’s “Louie Louie” aroused suspicion. For two and a half years he had his underlings investigate the song to find hidden sexual messages. The process included interviews with author Richard Berry and members of The Kingsmen as well as repeated listenings of the song at various speeds. The verdict: The study found no evidence of obscenity, concluding that the song was “unintelligible at any speed.”

A DC native, J. Edgar was reportedly born in 1895 at 413 C Street SE, later known as 413 Seward Square SE and now the site of the Capitol Hill United Methodist Church. We say “reportedly” because, unlike his two siblings, there is no record of his birth. As a teen, he competed on the debate team and sang in the school choir at Central High School, now known as Cardozo. He later obtained both his law degree and his Masters of Law at George Washington University.

From 1940 until his death in 1972, J. Edgar lived at 4936 30th Place NW (Forest Hills), where he kept files on Supreme Court justices, members of Congress and U.S. presidents. When the current owners moved in, they had the bulletproof-glass windows removed.

When Hoover died, Tolson – his lunch buddy, life partner and possible lover – inherited his estate and moved into the house. Tolson is also buried at Congressional Cemetery, a few yards from J. Edgar.

Burial sites are still available to the general public.

2000-Year-Old 7-Year-Old Saint

Though most of the skeletal remains of St. Innocent are hidden inside the dress, the bones of his hands and feet are visible, and it’s not gross at all. (Photo By: heydayjoe)

Though most of the skeletal remains of St. Innocent are hidden inside the dress, the bones of his hands and feet are visible, and it’s not gross at all. (Photo By: heydayjoe)

A frequent refrain of those touring the real Roman Catacombs is “Hey! I wanna see a dead body.” At the replicated Roman Catacombs in DC, you’re in luck. Deep beneath the Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America in upper Northeast DC lie the remains of a martyred 7-year-old from the second century, St. Innocent. How does a second-grader become a martyr for his faith? We’ll never know. What we do know is that he was found buried with two adults, ostensibly his parents – some parents enter their kids in pageants, others push for martyrdom – and that his body was found holding a palm frond, which marked him as a martyr.

Clad in an elaborate beaded dress, St. Innocent also wears a wig and a wax mask to hide and protect his skull. Given the dress and the mask’s plucked eyebrows and pink lip gloss, you’ve got to wonder how the little martyr would have felt if his schoolmates ever saw him in this getup (girls = yucky; martyrdom = cool).

St. Benignus, a Roman soldier who was beheaded for his faith, is also entombed here. Well, most of him is – his skull is still in Italy. Both saints were originally buried in the real Roman Catacombs, 900 miles of underground passageways where Christians buried their dead.

Truth Truck Makes Snow Patrick’s Day Appearance

(Photo By: heydayjoe)

(Photo By: heydayjoe)

Truth Truck USA, driven by Coloradoan Ron Brock (and ostensibly co-piloted by Jesus), has expanded from its original anti-abortion message into an array of colorful messages warning those in rebellion against God to repent. Brock, a Christian activist associated with pro-life group Operation Rescue and an alleged associate of terrorist group Army of God, built the Truth Truck in 1997 and has been arrested more than 200 times for breaking the law in connection with anti-abortion activism. Brock’s truck has spread its gospel to every state except Alaska and Hawaii. Here’s the Toyota of truth taking a break from its mobile ministry at 19th & L NW.